These are the drunkest cities in the United States and one state dominates

America is the land of the free, and the home of the drunk. (Hey, you try making it through all four verses of The Star-Spangled Banner sober. It can't be done.)

But what city in the United States is the drunkest? Is it Los Angeles, California, where struggling actors turn to alcohol to bury their sorrows? Is it Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, where plastered Eagles fans are still celebrating their Super Bowl win? Or is it Fosston, Minnesota, because there's nothing else to do but drink in Fosston, Minnesota?

Glasses being clinked Credit: Trinity Mirror

24/7 Wall Street released their annual review of excessive drinking in America. (Excessive drinking is defined as four or more drinks for women and five or more drinks for men.) By analyzing data from 381 metropolitan areas, they were able to determine the drunkest cities in the United States. If you live in one of these cities, congratulations! But you're probably too drunk to read this article.

Drunkest cities in the USA

10. La Crosse-Onalaska, Wisconsin
9. Wausau, Wisconsin
8. Grand Forks, North Dakota
7. Missoula, Montana
6. Oshkosh-Neenah, Wisconsin
5. Fargo, North Dakota
4. Madison, Wisconsin
3. Appleton, Wisconsin
2. Eau Claire, Wisconsin
1. Green Bay, Wisconsin

As you can tell, the Badger State dominated. Wisconsin nabbed seven out of the ten spots, with Green Bay slurring and stumbling their way to number one. The other three spots were taken by cities in two states not too far from Wisconsin, North Dakota and Montana. What can we say? The Midwest is a bunch of drunks.

I grew up in northwestern Minnesota - Fosston, to be exact - which is fairly close to all these cities, and just 90 miles from Grand Forks, North Dakota. So, I have the authority to say there is absolutely nothing to do in this part of the U.S.A. but get wasted. Also, Green Bay got #1 because the Packers suck and the fans are depressed about it. (Go Vikings!)

But if you're looking for a less biased analysis, maybe these results have something to do with the ratio of grocery stores to bars. Nationally, the United States has 13% more grocery stores than bars. But unlike most of the country, Wisconsin has 2.7 times as many bars as grocery stores. I mean, who needs groceries when you got booze, right?


24/7 Wall Street also determined which metro areas have the least amount of excessive drinking. So, here are the ten driest cities in the United States. Or, as I call them, The Ten Worst Places To Visit If You're A Hopeless Drunk Like Me:

Driest cities in the USA

10. Cleveland, Tennessee
9. Pine Bluff, Arkansas
8. Parkersburg-Vienna, West Virginia
7. Morristown, Tennessee
6. Logan, Utah
5. Charleston, West Virginia
4. Jackson, Tennessee
3. Beckley, West Virginia
2. St. George, Utah
1. Provo-Orem, Utah

For this category, the Southern states mostly dominated the list. Utah, West Virginia and Tennessee each had three cities take spots. The lone remaining spot was nabbed by Pine Bluff, Arkansas. And Provo-Orem, Utah took #1, as the driest city in the U.S.A.

Well, I'm going to get drunk, and see if I can raise Los Angeles' rank a little more. If you're not too wasted to read, America's drunk shopping addiction is costing billions...